[This was the worst feelings conversation ever, but it seemed all too fitting in their own way. Well, shit. There was a rapid machine gun fire of emotions: surprise, a swell of his own more-than-platonic emotions, and the dread of that truthful fact. If Epsilon went home, well, it was nothing. Death. Deconstruction. It was Tucker being alone.
It was like what Drake was going through right now.
The thought of abandonment slammed into him hard, punch him in the gut. He wanted to run. He wanted to just get out of here because in the end, this asshole was going to leave him again. He would be alone.
But…but it wasn’t going to be Church’s fault this time. And this was the only shot he had.]
Then—then fuck this place. [He narrowed his eyes, shaking his head.] We won’t let it be done with you. We’ll find another way.
[ Epsilon had braced himself for the worst. For Tucker to tell him to get the fuck out. To get punched again. A thousand little things that he would have deserved for being such an asshole. Except--
His head snapped up, looking at the other man in disbelief. ]
What?
[ It shouldn't have been so surprising. None of them had ever been good at accepting the inevitable, they had defied the odds so many times that it was second nature. The desire to argue, to point out he was past his expiration date and it was only a matter of time before the universe caught on was strong but... He wanted that other way, wanted more than anything to get that chance to go home. ]
...Do you think we can pull it off? [ His voice had dropped but there was a thin cord of hope woven in there. He didn't want to give up on this, didn't want to always be bracing himself for the worst.
[Epsilon looked like how Tucker felt: unsure, surprised, with some secret hope buried in there. In truth, Tucker was surprised that these words had come from his own mouth, that he hadn't just peaced the fuck out and ran, but--it was Epsilon. It was his best friend. It was something important, felt important as he kissed him, felt lonely when he wasn't there.
Felt devastated when he had--]
Um, no, but since when has that stopped us? [Because it hadn't, not ever; they still fought forward, no matter what waited for them. They survived because of each other.
Tucker would be fucking damned if Epsilon broke that track record now. And maybe it was selfish because he needed to believe in it, too.
Losing him again, it wasn't fair. It couldn't happen.
[ Pretty much all of their ideas were stupid, it was all a matter of finding the right stupid idea that got them the result they wanted. That was how they worked and most of the time they did exactly what they set out to do.
Epsilon stayed back near the door, not quite ready to test getting closer after spilling his guts. Feeling this vulnerable, letting someone who wasn't Carolina see him unsure wasn't exactly pleasant. Even if it was Tucker. He hadn't really planned past the confession and he had no fucking idea what was supposed to happen next. Tucker hadn't rejected the whole thing but he also hadn't given him a definitive yes either. Maybe he needed space to think about it. ]
...Should I, uh, should I go? I can go if you want.
[ Just put him out of his misery. This was so fucking awkward. ]
Let him go? Let him go. Yeah. Right. They needed to process this shit, he needed to figure out what it meant, needed some space and time and --]
Um, you can stay. If you want. Fuck it.
[Fuck it. Fuck it, right? That’s sort of the motto they ran with anyway. It wasn’t like…like they were talking about getting married; this was two friends being able to fuck, too. Sure. That… that was good. That he could do.]
[ Fuck it. If Tucker wasn't kicking him out that was probably a good sign, right? And honestly... he didn't want to go. Even though they lived in the same house Epsilon had missed Tucker. ]
Yeah, sure.
[ Epsilon killed the lights before taking a few steps across the room, the furthest into Tucker's room he'd been since the initial incident. Darker was better, he didn't have to worry about eye contact or whether he looked stupid. ]
[It was weird, but that's because Epsilon was making it weird. Tucker made a face, rolling his eyes in the dark before he sighed.]
Since when do you ask?
[Because that wasn't what they did; they didn't ask. They just did shit around each other, barged in, made jokes, and snarked for as long as they could. This felt strained, like Church was trying to reevaluate their roles, or...trying to impress Tucker?
Tucker didn't know. He did know that he curled a hand behind what he hoped was Church's neck, though, and pulled him in for a kiss.
Since I realized I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.
[ It wasn't like he'd ever did anything like this when he was in his right mind. This was brand new territory for him, trying to figure out what was okay all over again.
When that hand pulled him in he went, glad for an excuse to stop talking. This... this he could do. Epsilon moved closer as he did his best to stop thinking so goddamn much. That was what got them all fucked up to begin with.
Kissing Tucker again after so long felt good, felt amazing and god why had he been so stupid about this for so long? ]
[Because Epsilon was stupid. So was Tucker, though, so it worked out in its own way; everyone from their team was stupid. Tucker's full idiocy hadn't been displayed yet, probably wouldn't be just yet as he still thought this was a friends with benefits thing, not completely realizing the full complications of what was happening.
Relationships...weren't his forte.
But right now, he was just happy to kiss Epsilon, to get him to shut up and stop making things so fucking weird. Kiss him and get that computer brain to shut off. Kiss him and remind himself that this felt good even without the gods meddling in their shit, their feelings, their thoughts. This...this was theirs.
Tucker just wanted to make sure this was for him, to savor this moment and hold onto Church so he couldn't disappear again.
[ Disappearing was not on the agenda, not when he had finally gotten the words out there and stopped letting them build up inside him. This kiss was all them, no outside influences and that made it even better. It was their choice instead of a fucking joke.
He got less tentative by the moment, his hands sliding up to cradle Tucker's face. At some point he ended up on the bed with Tucker, straddling one of his legs in that driving need to get closer to him. When he finally drew back, his breath short and eyes half lidded, he couldn't help grinning at him. ]
[God, this was weird and weirdly right at the same time. He was kissing his best friend, but his best friend was someone...
...was important.
He smiled a little, grabbing on to Church and tugging him down. This wasn't Alpha, and those moments together in the canon didn't exist for them; this was a guy with a laser face. This was a shimmering asshole who could do more math in a single second that most could their entire lives. This was the jerk who died to save all of them, even if Tucker didn't agree with it.]
...hey, cockbite.
[Tucker kissed him harder than before, his fingers in his hair as he thought about all the obnoxious bullshit Epsilon did to him on a daily basis. He thought about about how he wished that it, and this, didn't stop.]
[ It said something about them that hearing that insult, that stupid insult that they threw at each other all the time made him feel so much better after all the time apart. If they could still be dicks to each other even when they were making out then they were alright.
This didn't need to be something new and uncomfortable. They could be two dudes who kissed sometimes.
Or all the time. All the time worked for him, too.
When Tucker pulled him in he went, opening up to let him in without a second thought. This was Tucker, his best friend and honestly one of the few people in the universe he trusted. Maybe someday this would end up hurting but for the first time in a long time Epsilon was willing to let himself hope that things might work out. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lovernotafighter) wrote2022-03-04 03:30 pm
no subject
It was like what Drake was going through right now.
The thought of abandonment slammed into him hard, punch him in the gut. He wanted to run. He wanted to just get out of here because in the end, this asshole was going to leave him again. He would be alone.
But…but it wasn’t going to be Church’s fault this time. And this was the only shot he had.]
Then—then fuck this place. [He narrowed his eyes, shaking his head.] We won’t let it be done with you. We’ll find another way.
no subject
His head snapped up, looking at the other man in disbelief. ]
What?
[ It shouldn't have been so surprising. None of them had ever been good at accepting the inevitable, they had defied the odds so many times that it was second nature. The desire to argue, to point out he was past his expiration date and it was only a matter of time before the universe caught on was strong but... He wanted that other way, wanted more than anything to get that chance to go home. ]
...Do you think we can pull it off? [ His voice had dropped but there was a thin cord of hope woven in there. He didn't want to give up on this, didn't want to always be bracing himself for the worst.
He wanted to believe this could work. ]
no subject
Felt devastated when he had--]
Um, no, but since when has that stopped us? [Because it hadn't, not ever; they still fought forward, no matter what waited for them. They survived because of each other.
Tucker would be fucking damned if Epsilon broke that track record now. And maybe it was selfish because he needed to believe in it, too.
Losing him again, it wasn't fair. It couldn't happen.
He wouldn't let it.]
I mean, we've had dumber ideas.
no subject
[ Pretty much all of their ideas were stupid, it was all a matter of finding the right stupid idea that got them the result they wanted. That was how they worked and most of the time they did exactly what they set out to do.
Epsilon stayed back near the door, not quite ready to test getting closer after spilling his guts. Feeling this vulnerable, letting someone who wasn't Carolina see him unsure wasn't exactly pleasant. Even if it was Tucker. He hadn't really planned past the confession and he had no fucking idea what was supposed to happen next. Tucker hadn't rejected the whole thing but he also hadn't given him a definitive yes either. Maybe he needed space to think about it. ]
...Should I, uh, should I go? I can go if you want.
[ Just put him out of his misery. This was so fucking awkward. ]
no subject
Let him go? Let him go. Yeah. Right. They needed to process this shit, he needed to figure out what it meant, needed some space and time and --]
Um, you can stay. If you want. Fuck it.
[Fuck it. Fuck it, right? That’s sort of the motto they ran with anyway. It wasn’t like…like they were talking about getting married; this was two friends being able to fuck, too. Sure. That… that was good. That he could do.]
Want to kill the lights?
no subject
Yeah, sure.
[ Epsilon killed the lights before taking a few steps across the room, the furthest into Tucker's room he'd been since the initial incident. Darker was better, he didn't have to worry about eye contact or whether he looked stupid. ]
Mind if I sit?
no subject
Since when do you ask?
[Because that wasn't what they did; they didn't ask. They just did shit around each other, barged in, made jokes, and snarked for as long as they could. This felt strained, like Church was trying to reevaluate their roles, or...trying to impress Tucker?
Tucker didn't know. He did know that he curled a hand behind what he hoped was Church's neck, though, and pulled him in for a kiss.
Let's...let's start with that.]
no subject
[ It wasn't like he'd ever did anything like this when he was in his right mind. This was brand new territory for him, trying to figure out what was okay all over again.
When that hand pulled him in he went, glad for an excuse to stop talking. This... this he could do. Epsilon moved closer as he did his best to stop thinking so goddamn much. That was what got them all fucked up to begin with.
Kissing Tucker again after so long felt good, felt amazing and god why had he been so stupid about this for so long? ]
no subject
Relationships...weren't his forte.
But right now, he was just happy to kiss Epsilon, to get him to shut up and stop making things so fucking weird. Kiss him and get that computer brain to shut off. Kiss him and remind himself that this felt good even without the gods meddling in their shit, their feelings, their thoughts. This...this was theirs.
Tucker just wanted to make sure this was for him, to savor this moment and hold onto Church so he couldn't disappear again.
And for right now? It worked.]
no subject
He got less tentative by the moment, his hands sliding up to cradle Tucker's face. At some point he ended up on the bed with Tucker, straddling one of his legs in that driving need to get closer to him. When he finally drew back, his breath short and eyes half lidded, he couldn't help grinning at him. ]
...Hey.
no subject
...was important.
He smiled a little, grabbing on to Church and tugging him down. This wasn't Alpha, and those moments together in the canon didn't exist for them; this was a guy with a laser face. This was a shimmering asshole who could do more math in a single second that most could their entire lives. This was the jerk who died to save all of them, even if Tucker didn't agree with it.]
...hey, cockbite.
[Tucker kissed him harder than before, his fingers in his hair as he thought about all the obnoxious bullshit Epsilon did to him on a daily basis. He thought about about how he wished that it, and this, didn't stop.]
no subject
This didn't need to be something new and uncomfortable. They could be two dudes who kissed sometimes.
Or all the time. All the time worked for him, too.
When Tucker pulled him in he went, opening up to let him in without a second thought. This was Tucker, his best friend and honestly one of the few people in the universe he trusted. Maybe someday this would end up hurting but for the first time in a long time Epsilon was willing to let himself hope that things might work out. ]